Finding Me-mo(re)

I’m sure my title is a bit confusing, but, six months later, what’s on my mind is Finding Nemo and Finding Dory and, well, I’m in a phase of finding me, more. Adams sent me a text and told me to get back to writing. Thank you for reminding me to be, as Eleanor Roosevelt said,  fearless in pursuit of that which sets my heart on fire. In my case, writing.


Six months ago, I posted Food for thought: Plus Pepper, the latter being too much. The post drained me, caused uproar, broke some people, caused broken relationships yet brought clarity to others. I didn’t foresee that blowing up and when it did, I took a step back to reevaluate myself, especially at individual level, in aspects of my interactions with others and if I was the light I am supposed to be, as a Christian. It’s been tough, this journey, trying to love like Jesus, in a world so sick, with so much hurt, so much hate. Of course we fall, sometimes we forget, but God’s grace is eternally sufficient. As it is in Apostle Paul’s second epistle to the Corinthians, when he was talking about the thorn in his flesh. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”(2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)


Happy belated New year!!! I know a whole quarter is gone, but, we haven’t been here all year. At the beginning of 2020 we were all excited about the beginning of a new decade. Everyone’s socials had the “new year, new me” theme, along with “2020 is my year”. Others made new year resolutions, drafted plans and just geared themselves up for the year. On first of January, I was in bed. It didn’t feel new, it didn’t feel like what I thought it’s usually supposed to. The fresh vibe, the energy. I was in bed, wondering what the fuss was about. Outside, the sun rose and it was a beautiful morning. Difference was the fact that the day before was last year.

As I sat there thinking, I was grateful for actually ending 2019 when I thought I wouldn’t. I got up, dressed up and showed up in church. There comes a time when you realize that all there is to your existence is a higher being, in my case God, and I wasn’t going to take that for granted.

There are some things
I may not know
There are some places
I can’t go
But I’m sure
Of this one thing
That God is real
For I can feel
Him deep within

Yes, God is real
Real in my soul
Yes, God is real
For He has washed
And made me whole
His love for me
Is like pure gold
Yes, God is real
For I can feel
Him in my soul

Some folks may doubt
Some folks may scorn
All can desert
And leave me alone
But as for me
I’ll take God’s part
For God is real and I can feel
Him in my heart

I cannot tell
Just how you felt
When Jesus
Took all your sins away
But since that day
Yes, since that hour
God has been real
For I can feel
His holy power

Yes, God is real
Real in my soul
Yes, God is real
For He has washed
And made me whole
His love for me
Is like pure gold
Yes, God is real
For I can feel
Him in my soul

– Sandi Patty, My God is Real

I’ve had friends and lost the friendships, thought I’d found love and lost it again. Through it all, I’ve learnt, there’s a lot of beauty in life, despite the dips and hurdles that come with it. For a while I tried figuring out why not every person was a forever until when I came to accept that sometimes, there are people who will only fit in your life for the version of you you are at that particular time. There are also people, like my best friend Moralyne, who go through the changes with you over the years. Being a lover of all things poetry, I stumbled on this piece by Ventum poetry which I found very accurate, relationship matters. People will leave, and even though this may hurt at first, there is always a healing lesson to be learnt. They say; “everything happens for a reason” a short but very powerful quote because lots of things happen for a reason, if someone leaves, they weren’t meant for you in the first place. Love, feelings itself doesn’t save a relationship. Love is much more than just a feeling, but above all, love is freedom. Let go of what doesn’t want to stay. Let go of a love that wants to end. Let go of the past, focus on the now and the future. Focus on yourself. A lover should never be your main point of happiness. Let go of what wants to end, focus on yourself , this end could be the beginning of yourself.

I like to believe that everything happens for a reason according to God’s will because nothing is actually by accident or by chance. Of course there are many events that may seem serendipitous, but there’s a higher force controlling these. I saw a WhatsApp status update by my friend Lisa Ogutu where she says What God allows He did not orchestrate. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV)


These six months I’ve been away I’ve appreciated solitude and appreciated gems in my life. Finding God and finding self has been easier with the help of my very beautiful friends, people who hold my hand and show me the light when mine has dimmed. In finding Nemo, a lesson I get is to find joy in the small things in life. I’m glad I have a Chef James, who keeps echoing that when I seem to forget. I’m learning to count my blessings, actually appreciating what I have while I still have it. Like Dory, I’m learning to always be optimistic by seeing it half full rather than half empty. I’m learning to seek happiness and follow my heart, even if it takes my whole life. I’m learning to love myself, the greatest love of all. I’m learning to strive to always be true to God, self and others. There’s an impact that’s there on every life you interact with. I’m learning to never give up. To keep swimming even when the waves are strong and the tides are high. It does get better.

Keep swimming. It means do not give up when times are rough. – Dory

At the end of the day, I ask, What would Jesus do?

Stay safe guys! Wash your hands 👏🏾


Love💛, light 💡, sunshine☀️ and smiles 😊

Almaz 👑